12 Things My Mom Taught Me

From: Ken B.

Sent: May 3, 2012

To: undisclosed recipients

Subject: Fw: 12 Things My Mom Taught Me

1 – APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside; I’ve only just finished cleaning.”
2 – TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t behave, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
3 – LOGIC: “Because I said so, that’s why!”
4 – FORESIGHT: “Make sure you’ve got clean underwear on in case you’re in an accident.”
5 – OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.”
6 – CONTORTION: “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck.”
7 – STAMINA: “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.”
8 – TERRORISM: “Your room looks like a bomb’s hit it.”
9 – SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS: “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, THEN would you listen?”
10 – OXYMORONS: “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times; don’t exaggerate.”
11 – IMPROVEMENT BY EXAMPLE: “Stop acting like your father.”
12 – ENVY: “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have parents as good as yours!”